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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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3:20 pm - zOMG! Can we say lazee?!
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Ok, so yeah...I've been lazy and I haven't written in here in forever. Oi, so...what's been going on in my life? To much and not enough at the same time 0_o It seems like all I do anymore is work. I try to go out with my friend Cara, but our schedules conflict a lot so it's hard for us to get together. My van sucks so I can't go very far with it, which limits what I can do. If I need to drive very far, like Cara's, then I have to ask my parents if I can borrow the Cavalier. If Zach needs it then I can't borrow it and I doubt they'd just be like here's the keys to the Avalanche/Cadillac. So yeah, transportation is ify right now.
I'm still actively searching for my birth mother even though I'm fairly certain she's in North Carolina. I don't have anything to prove that, but it's just a feeling I have. Today I got a call from the Bellville District Courthouse and talked to the Judge about my adoption records. It turns out that all of my records are in one file...the one file that I was granted access to back in March 2004. Stupid me thought that there would be two files, one for my birthmother since she gave up custody in 1980, and one for my birthfather since the court hearing was in 1982, but nope...all in one file. Which is a good thing cause it's all in one place and I already have access to all of it. I'd like to thank the person that messed up and didn't reseal my file after adding the 1982 paperwork cause they made my life a lot easier. Normally adoption records are sealed and you have to petition the court to obtain access. Well mine were in the sealed drawer, but they weren't sealed so the judge allowed me access since I already know both Chuck and Johnnie's names. I'm planning on going to Austin soon to see what information I can get from the Texas Department of Criminal Justice on my birthmother, since she was in prison when I was born. I need some type of information that will help me to find her. I have her name from 1980 and her maiden name, but I have no clue what it would be today. I need this information for two reasons. One is so I can locate her and hopefully have some sort of relationship with her, the other is so that I can find out if she is on the Cherokee Roll, if she is then I can get on the Roll without a problem as long as I have documentation that proves that she is my mother, which I now know I can get from Bellville. If I can get on the Roll then my life will change drastically. I'll actually have medical benefits and money to go to school so that I can further my artistic abilities and knowledge and can possibly get a job in an art related field.
I've been keeping fairly busy with my art. I don't draw as much as I'd like to and I'm not to the artistic level that I'd like to be at. I'd like to get better at working with Adobe PhotoShop 7.0. I wouldn't say that I'm not good at using the program, but there is so much more that I could learn and if I can learn different techniques then I can become a better artist. I need to learn how to vector (I already know how to do that...I guess I should say I need to practice and learn how to vector well). I also need to learn how to shade and lighten and make my drawings look more realistic and not like they are a vector. There are a few artists on deviantART that I look up to and wish that I could reach their degree of talent. I'm sure that one day I will. Most of them have been using PS7 for a really long time and more than likely they used the earlier versions as well. I had the trial version of PS7 when it first came out and then after that I never touched it again until over this past summer when I rebuilt my computer and didn't have Adobe PhotoDeluxe 1.0 anymore (for those of you who don't know...that program came out in 1995) so I had to install PS7. I didn't touch it for months. I would open it and stare at the screen then close it lol. Then one day I actually used it :o and coloured an old black and white picture of my mom...I think. After doing a few digital drawings with a mouse I decided to dish out $200+ for a Wacom Intuos3 Tablet and man have I gotten some good use out of it. Hopefully my skills will continue to grow.
Lets see...what else has gone on...I guess that's about it.
current mood:  tired
current music: Blame - Neverset
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| Thursday, November 17th, 2005
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1:26 pm - Stroke 9, Primary, and My Own I
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Tonight's concert so kicked ass! Before Primary took the stage I went to the bar and talked to Jeff to make sure that he had gotten my email about the pictures and he had. He hadn't had a chance to email me back yet or look at all the pictures but he did see some of them and thought that they were good and would like to use some on The Hunger's site. Then between My Own I and Stroke 9 I talked to Thomas and he also liked the pictures and would like to use them on Scout Bar's site. Stroke 9 kicked a lot of ass, all the bands did actually. It was an awesome time, but the night doesn't end with the last band playing... I was standing over my the mechendise table for Stroke 9 and Thomas walked over to talk to the girl at the table and I said hi to him and he asked me if I wanted to hang out with the band, then he took me to the dressing room So I got to hang with Stroke 9 for a while. I also got some free beer and Jager while I was back there I got an autographed CD and an autographed drum stick...how awesome is that? While I was back there I also talked to some other people that were hanging out. After the band left I went over to Jeff to tell him that I'd see him on Sunday and we talked a little about my pictures...and I wasn't paying much attention to who was behind the counter until Giovanni asked me if the pictures on dA were mine...lol. So then he and I got to talking a little and then we started talking about playing the guitar and playing the drums. So yeah...tonight was deffinately a kick ass night...now I need to sleep! Check out pictures at http://chaz-concerts.deviantart.com
current mood: omfgfunfunfun
current music: Little Black Backpack - Stroke 9
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| Monday, November 7th, 2005
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12:34 pm - Pitbull Daycare, Erase the Virus, and Neverset
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Last night's concert so rocked. Cara and I went and saw Erase the Virus, NeVeRsEt, and Pitbull Daycare. I drank a little too much, but I had a kick ass time. NeVeRsEt is playing again in 3DEC05 with Powerman 5000 and I so plan on being at that concert. I talked to Jeff and Thomas about my photography and I'm gonna be sending them a link so they can use pictures on The Hunger site and The Scout Bar site. Check out the pictures at http://chaz-concerts.deviantart.com
current mood: Wornoutfromlotsafun
current music: Evident - NeVeRsEt
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| Monday, October 31st, 2005
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12:24 pm - The Hunger, Lucid Dementia, Dirty Wormz
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Last night Cara and I went to The Scout Bar to see The Hunger in concert with special guests Lucid Dementia and diRTY woRMz. The concert so kicked ass. It had a Halloween theme so about 50% of the crowd were in costumes. I couldn't find my costume and that really pisses me off, but of well. I just went all gothed out. After the concert Cara and I headed outside and while we were out there Jeff, the lead singer, from The Hunger, came outside so I approached him and asked for an autograph. After getting his autograph he helped us to hunt down almost all of band members. When we found Thomas he decided that Cara and I should have posters to have autographed instead of just the concert play lists that we had. So now we have the play list with a couple autographs and autographed posters. It so rocked! And, as usual...yes, I did take pictures...you can check them out at http://chaz-concerts.deviantart.com
current mood: Wornoutfromlotsafun
current music: So Lost - The Hunger
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| Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
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11:58 am - Seether and Glass Intrepid
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I went to the Scout Bar last night to see Seether in concert...for free. I knew that on the Buzz they said something about 7pm-10pm so I got there at 5 figuring there would be tons of people...there wasn't. People didn't start showing up until close to 7:30. Anyhow I met this really awsome guy and his girlfriend and her friend and we hung out until the two girls left, then Coby and I stuck together for the concert. But anyhow I'm jumping ahead of myself... The doors were supposed to open at 6 and Seether was supposed to take the stage around 9:15...well...they had an electric problem..in other words the meter was fried and they had no power and didn't open the doors until almost 10pm. But omg...it was so worth the wait! I was right up against the stage...front and center...and I headbanged...and I moshed... omfg I had so much fucking fun! I got some pretty good pics of both Seether and Glass Intrepid. Check out http://chaz-concerts.deviantart.com for the pictures.
current mood:  excited
current music: Miles Away - Glass Intrepid
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| Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
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2:13 pm - lack of updates...
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Wow, I tend to neglect my journal now that I'm very active at deviantART. I'm going to attempt to be a little better at updating this thing. I can't make any promises though. If any of you would like to check out my art then please go to nethlegolas.deviantart.com. Also, don't be afraid to sign up ^^. It's free and you can post art, or just be a lurker. And you don't have to know how to draw or paint to join. dA has a very wide variety of art selections...anything from traditional art to photography to writing. If you join please send me a little note so I can check you out. ^^
ttfn and until then...
Chaz
current mood: loved
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| Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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12:08 pm - Quiz thingy
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First Name: Amanda
First best friend: Melissa and Cara
First real kiss: n/a
First screen name: chaz_17 (and i still use it! *gasp*)
First self purchased album: oh, yeah...like I can remember that!
First funeral: Great-grandma Ina
First pets: Cassidy (white german shepard)
First piercing/tattoo: regular earlobe piercing / rose with vines on my lower back
First credit card: I only have a Debit card
First true love: Matt
First enemy: a kid named Tony Falco
First big trip: on my own? Cali...with my family? pssshht like I remember
First music you remember hearing in your house: Country, more specifically, Lee Greenwood - God Bless the USA
Last cigarette: back in 2001...I don't smoke and never really have...
Last car ride: ummm on my way to work today
Last kiss: n/a
Last good cry: just a few days ago
Last library book checked out: library? what is this thing you speak of ^^
Last movie seen: Madagascar!!!!
Last person to stay the night with: I spent the night at work not too long ago so I'd have to say my boss Judy
Last beverage drank: Vanilla Coke
Last food consumed: pizza rolls :D
Last crush: **access denied**
Last phone call: Darrien :D
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: my aqua flip flops...have them on now :D
Last item bought: umm food i think...
Last annoyance: SFC Sepulveda -_-
Last time wanting to die: a few days ago
Last time scolded: a few days ago
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
01. who are your best friends? Melissa, Cara, Darrien, Adam, umm I could go on but then I'd be here for forever
02. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no :`(
f a s h i o n | s t u f f
01. where is your favorite place to shop? ummm walmart
02. any tattoos or piercings? 4 in my right ear, 3 in my left ear, tattoo of a rose with vines on my lover back, tattoo of heart with swirls on my right wrist
s p e c i f i c s
01. do you do drugs? no
02. Shampoo: what ever I can afford -_-
03. what are you most scared of? being alone for the rest of my life
04. what are you listening to right now? Chasing that Neon Rainbow - Alan Jackson
05. where do you want to get married? someplace really pretty...hopefully my parents property in Sealy after I fix it up
06. how many buddies are online right now? ...I DON'T KNOW!!!! *throws self down on the floor, cries* I'm at work
07. what would you change about yourself? my weight
f a v o r i t e s
01. color: blue or green
02. food: pizza
03. boys' names: Matthew, Sean, Aaron, Michael, Lee, Chance, Cory, Brandon, Chaz
04. girls' names: Serena, Azaria, Cassidy
05. subjects in school: when I was in school...ROTC
06. animals: dogs and sugar gliders
07. sports: pppsssshhhhttt
08. perfume: *shrug*
09. cologne: Drakkar Noir *faint*
10. day of the month? *shrug*
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
01. given anyone a bath? yup. we used to have foster babies and I'd bathe them. I've also washed our dog, Dox *giggle*
02. smoked? yes
03. bungee jumped? nope
04. made yourself throw up? nope
05. skinny dipped? ME?!?! ummm no!
06: ever been in love? *sigh* -_-' next question please...
07. made yourself cry to get out of trouble? me?!?! never!!! hehe *shifty eyes*
08. pictured your crush naked? ...i'm innocent! i'd never... *pictures crush naked* oooo so nice... huh...what was I talking about?
09. cried when someone died? yeah
10. lied? yes
11. fallen for your best friend? *hides under a rock*
12. been rejected? too many times to count -_-'
13. rejected someone? only once and that cause i knew the guy and he was ummm...yeah...ummm... no
14. used someone? nope
15. done something you regret? all the time. i pretty much regret my life -_-
c u r r e n t
clothes: black short with my ROTC/LDC Leadership Camp shirt
music: Country
make-up: die make-up die!! unless it's eyeliner...on Bam Margera... *faint*
annoyance: depression
smell: the rank smell of the school...mixed with the shit they put on the gym floor *gags*
favorite artist: *shrug*
desktop picture: at work...General Bailey's plaque...at home...Bam Margera
cd in player: n/a
dvd in player: n/a
color of toenails: natural
person talking to: nobody...it's a sad, sad life -_-'
l a s t | p e r s o n
you called: the police :D stupid loud ass neighbors at 3AM
hugged: ummm not sure
you imed: Lissa
you kissed: n/a
a r e | y o u
understanding: yeah
open-minded: pretty much
arrogant: don't think so
insecure: my wieght
interesting: i sure as hell hope so
hungry: yes!
smart: i r smrt
moody: yes, very!
hardworking: most of the time
organized: hold on a moment...LMAO!
healthy: nope
shy: not really
bored easily: yes
responsible: i try to be
obsessed: yes! i'm obsessed with www.deviantART.com and I can't get on it...stupid Access Denied piece of shit! why do you taunt me?!?!
angry: yes
sad: yes *cries*
disappointed: all the time
happy: happy? ...i vaguely know what that word means
hyper: eh, not really
trusting: yeah
talkative: *points at self* does not shut up unless she's extremly depressed or pissed
legal: who wants to know *is all flirty like*
w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
kill: hmmmm don't have my list with me at the moment
slap: *shrug*
look like: myself, only...thinner
talk to offline: Lissa, Darrien, Cara,...ANYBODY
talk to online: ANYBODY
r a n d o m
in the morning i am: awake...amazingly enough
all i need is: love
love is: something i can't obtain -_-'
i dream about: making it in life
last person you danced with: amanda's do not dance!
worst question to ask: ummmm
who makes you laugh the most: Lissa, Darrien, Lucy :D
who makes you smile: the same as above, plus some
who gives you a funny feeling when you see them: *shrug*
w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r
coke or pepsi: coke
flowers or candy: flowers - fire n ice roses
tall or short: doesn't really matter to me
d o | y o u | e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: yes -_-
save conversations: *shifty eyes*
wish you were a member of the opposite sex: sometimes
wish you were younger: yeah
wish you could go back in time: all the time. amanda's tend to fuck up their lives
cry because someone said something to you: yeah sometimes
n u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: too many times, but only once that has really cut me deeply
of hearts i have broken: none that i know of
of guys i've kissed: none
of girls i've kissed: none
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: 3
of cds i own: too many
of scars on body: a lot.
current mood: depressed
current music: It's Getting Better All The Time
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| Thursday, April 7th, 2005
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5:16 pm - Tattoos and sickness
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This weekend I visited with my sister while she was on leave. She wanted to go get a tattoo on Saturday so I went with her and she asked me if I wanted one. Of course I told her that I did, but that I didn't have any money to get one, so she offered to give me a tattoo for my birthday. I got a small tattoo on my wrist. It's nothing big or bold. It's just a simple heart with a swirl on either side. I'm happy with it and really that should be all that matters. But today my mom saw the bandage on my wrist and she flipped. She was so pissed about it, even after I told her that I didn't spend any of my money on it. She then left and I headed out too. I passed her while I was driving and she was on her cell so I waited until I was sure she was home and called her and asked if she had called dad and told him and she told me that she hadn't told anyone about how stupid I am. She also told me that I had better pay them some money for the bail that they paid because of my speeding ticket and that they shouldn't have helped me with that because I would fit in if I went to jail with all of my tattoos. Hello, I only have two fucking tattoos. They are both nice tattoos and you can only see one of them. I don't regret getting my tattoo, not even with all the drama it's causing. I feel that I should be able to do what I want to my body. They need to realize that I'm 25 years old and I don't have to ask for mommy and daddy's permission anymore.
Now onto the sickness. When I was visiting Crystal she was sick with a cold and she ended up giving it to me. I don't think I've ever had a cold this bad. When I cough my sides and back hurt. I feel like shit and when I get up and do something I start to feel lightheaded. Bleh. I hate being sick.
current mood: sick
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| Friday, March 4th, 2005
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4:46 pm - Hello, Remember Me?
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Some people call me Old Glory, others call me the Star Spangled Banner and a few refer to me as the Stars and Stripes. Whatever they call me, I am your Flag – the Flag of the United States of America.
Something has been bothering me. May I talk it over with you – because it is about you and me.
I remember some time ago people lined up on both sides of the street to watch the parade. Naturally, I was leading every parade, proudly waving in the breeze. When your Daddy saw me coming, he immediately removed his hat and placed it against his left shoulder so that his hand was directly over his heart – remember. And, can you remember, too, the look in his eye as he thought of all the glory and privilege – and responsibility, too – that I represent. You could tell he was really proud to be a citizen of the country for which I am the symbol.
And you, I remember you. Standing there straight as a soldier. You didn’t have a hat but you were giving the right salute. Remember little sister? Not to be outdone, she was saluting the same as you with her hand over her heart – remember? What happened? I’m still the same old flag. Oh, I have a few more stars since you were a boy. A lot more blood has been shed since those parades of long ago.
But now I don’t feel as proud as I used to. When I come down your street you just stand there with your hands in your pockets. I may get a small glance and then you look away. Then I see your children running and shouting. They don’t seem to know who I am. I saw one man take his hat off then look around. He didn’t see anyone else with theirs off, so he quickly put his back on.
Is it a crime to be patriotic anymore? Have you forgotten what I stand for and where I’ve been? Anzio, Guadalcanal, Korea, and Vietnam. Take a look at the Memorial Honor Rolls sometimes – those never came back from keeping this Republic free – One Nation Under God. When you salute me you are actually saluting them. Don’t take me for granted.
Well, I’ll soon be coming down your street again. When you see me, stand straight, place your right hand over your heart, think of what I stand for – and I’ll salute you by waving back – and I’ll know that
YOU REMEMBER
current mood: touched
current music: none
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| Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
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1:04 am - *sigh*
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I don't know what the deal is lately. It seems like every night in the middle of the night I get really depressed and wish that I had someone to talk to. I miss the days where Lissa and I were able to talk all night if we wanted to. I miss knowing that if I had some sort of problem I could call her at almost any time of the day or night and just talk and that she'd somehow take my mind off of it. I miss being able to call her and be crying because I miss Matt and somehow he'd pick that very moment to call her too. I miss Matt more then I'd care to admit. You'd think that after close to 3 1/2 years I'd be over him and not be feeling the pain like we just broke up yesterday, but for some reason I can't get over him. I guess part of the reason why is that I still don't really understand why we broke up. Matt's never really given me a reason and he's told me since then that he still loves me so I'm completely confused.
I've played a scenerio over and over in my mind, where I'd be on my way to go visit Lissa, and of course I'd cut through Statesboro, GA and I'd see Matt's car, and somehow I'd just know it was his, and I'd stop where it was and go in, and he'd see me and be happy to see me, and it would be like it used to be. Then the other day I had a dream where I drove through Statesboro on my way to see Lissa, I guess, and I saw his Tahoe and he was standing next to it with everyone else I know out there...and I just kept on driving. I looked over at him and he looked at me and our eyes locked, but I kept driving and he didn't try to stop me. Everyone else was looking at me too and just let me go. Even in my dream it made me extremely sad. I don't normally remember my dreams but I remembered that one as if it had really happened. The really sad thing about it is that I could probably tell you what EVERYONE in Statesboro would do if they saw me driving through, except for Matt. Would he just watch me drive by and not do a thing, or would he put forth the effort to make sure that I know he's there? I'm begining to think that he'd just watch me go past with a heavy heart then take a deep sigh then continue on with whatever he was doing.
current mood: sad
current music: What She's Doing Now by Garth Brooks
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12:58 am - Military Ball
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*sigh* This year the ball is going to be held on 19FEB. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to actually enjoy it. I'll probably be thinking about Matt, how much I miss him, and other things like that to bring me down on what would have been our 4 year anniversary if we were still together.
current mood: lonely
current music: Every Friday Afternoon by Craig Morgan
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12:52 am - Joeys!
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Wow...I'm not very good at updating this thing. Anyhow....
The joeys came OOP (Out Of Pouch) on 02FEB05. They are both boys and have been named Elladan and Elrohir. They are absolutely adorable and are looking for a home!
current mood:  indescribable
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| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
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12:51 am - I'm gonna be a grandma at 24!!!
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On 2 December 2004 I found out that my female Sugar Glider, Fate, had two joeys in her pouch. They should come out of pouch in January or February. I'm so excited!
current mood: excited
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| Saturday, October 16th, 2004
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4:26 am - Reflecting on mistakes in the past…
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I look back on my life and I see so much that I would have changed if I only knew what I know now.
High School is supposed to be some of the best years of your life and most people can look back on those years with a smile and laugh at all the wild and crazy things that they did with their friends when their parents weren’t watching. Most people can look back and remember every dance they went to and what dress they wore and who they were with. Most people can look back on their first date and their first kiss…
I look back at high school and all I see is an empty book. What did I do in high school? I did anything I could do to keep from being part of the “in” crowd. I did more then I should have for the ROTC without getting much recognition. I hung out with “friends” and I kept my feelings for certain friends to myself. I felt a lot of heartache and I kept that hidden too.
There were maybe a handful of people who knew me back then, and I’m not even sure if they really knew me. Hell…I’m not sure I knew myself. I think I tried so hard to fit in with my “friends” and be liked that I forgot myself completely, if I ever even knew myself to begin with.
There were so many things that I left undone and unsaid. In 1998 I was given a second chance and I blew it. I did manage to graduate in 1999, a year later then I was supposed to, but I look at that year as a failure. I had the chance to take eight classes when I only needed two. Granted I did surprise everyone and take four but that left four slots that I could have filled with things like photography, journalism, shop, and art. Sometimes I wonder if I would have continued to college if I had taken one of those. I’ll never know because I can’t go back and change the past.
Sometimes I stop and try to think of accomplishments that I’ve made in my life. There have been far too few. I know I’m able to accomplish things on a small scale, but I never take the initiative to take things further then that. I’m fairly good at webdesign and I do get great compliments on work that I have done for the few people that I have built sites for, but it will never get any bigger then that. I doubt myself too much to make my dreams become realities, which is sad considering that last year when I would sign my students’ autograph books I would say “Dare to dream. Dreams can become a reality.” It’s pretty good advice. I just wish I could take it. I’m sure a lot of people see my teaching jobs last year as an accomplishment. I mean how many schools do you know of that would hire a teacher that has never gone to college? I know the ONLY reason I even got those jobs is because I had General Bailey backing me up and because they were private schools. I’m sure people look at me getting a job with Clear Creek Independent School District an accomplishment, but I wouldn’t be a secretary if it weren’t for General Bailey.
I’m too much of a screw up. I’ve been working on a program for SFC Esler for a while now and we had decided that I would give him the programs on Sunday since he’ll be at Ellington Field for the Air Show. I printed out all 120 of the programs and had them ready to give to him and…I left them in General Bailey’s office. Now I’m going to have to call him tomorrow and let him know that I can’t get them to him on Sunday. He’s going to have to make another drive down here to get them. I feel so horrible for doing that, but I don’t know what’s been going on lately.
Lately I’ve felt like I’m being pulled in a million directions all at once. I’m working a total of four different jobs, trying to find some time for myself, trying to find time to visit with my family, trying to find time and money to go visit Chuck, trying to find time to clean, and trying to figure out just who the hell I am.
I’ve been thinking about going back to my Indian roots. I’m not sure how my parents would feel about that, but I’m hoping that they’ll be ok with it. I want to learn as much as I can about my heritage and when I get the time and money I want to go visit the Cherokee’s and the Blackfeet. I want to see how the tribes live and I want to see if I can find my place somewhere.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about school. I still can’t figure out what I’m going to go to school for. I know what I want to go for, but I have a lot of people who don’t feel that I should go to a mechanical school and try to work for NASCAR. I also don’t want to go and spend a lot of money and never make it to my goal and never be happy.
Something I think about a lot more then anything else is love. I know what it feels like to love someone, and I know what it feels like to open up my heart to someone so much that even when I got hurt I was never able to close my heart to that person. For the longest time I even had high hopes of getting back together with that person, but now I’m being a little more realistic. I still love him, don’t get me wrong, but I know that it wasn’t meant to be. I know that he’s moved on with his life and that his life must be pretty good without me in it and that I need to do the same. I need to quit looking back to those five wonderful months, and I need to quit missing him and making myself depressed because I never hear from him anymore. I need to take a deep breath and go out into the world and try my damnedest to find someone else that can manage to capture my heart and make me forget to breath. I just wish it were that easy. I wish guys looked at your inner beauty instead of your outer beauty. I wish I could find someone that could look past my weight and get to know me. Maybe one day I’ll find that special someone.
current mood:  stressed
current music: Too Much of a Good Thing is a Good Thing by Alan Jackson
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| Friday, October 1st, 2004
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2:12 am - Ummmm *shifty eyes*
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| omegaaholic's LJ stalker is _cricket! | | _cricket is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also prank calling you regularly! |
current mood: bored
current music: If Jesus Was a Country Boy by Clay Walker
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| Thursday, September 30th, 2004
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11:39 pm - Today
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Today my plan was to get up and go into work at 11:00 instead of 12:00 because I had to leave early and go to orientation...but it didn't work. I didn't get to work until around 12:00 and SFC Sepulveda had some reports that needed to be turned in today and of course he tells me around 4:00 that he needs my help with them. I ended up staying at the office until around 4:40 when my plans were to leave before 4:30 so I could stop and get food before going to Lane Bryant, obviously that didn't happen. I was only supposed to be at LB 5-9 and we ended up staying until almost 10:00 so I was starving. I had a major headache and seriously needed food seeing as how the last time I ate was around 5:30 pm the day before. I called the local Pizza Hut on my way home and stopped past there and got some pizza...yum. No more headache :). I need to dye my hair...but I don't feel like doing it right now. I must be sick if I'm not feeling up to dying my hair. *feels forehead*
How pathetic is this...I'm 24 years old...graduated in 1999...and I'm going to my first Homecoming Dance on Saturday. I'm so pathetic. At least I'm going to work the dance and not going to dance...lol. Although I don't doubt that the Cadets will pull me onto the dance floor like my sister did at Military Ball last year.
current mood: tired
current music: Suds in the Bucket by Sarah Evans
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2:59 am - A lot of shit has gone down...
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Well, I'm about to have absolutely no life again. Today at work I got a call from Lane Bryant and they want me to start working there in the evenings. So now I'm gonna be working 5 hours at the high school on Mon-Fri and working god only knows how many hours at LB. When I applied for the job my availability was 4pm-close and now it's changed since I work at Creek until 5pm, but General Bailey told me that if LB needs me to come in earlier then 5 then I can just go in early at Creek. I really have mixed feeling about getting this job. I don't really want to work at the mall after all the bullshit that I had to put up with at the mall jobs I had in Beaumont. I guess I can't be too picky though. I really need the money. I'm tired of having to ask my parents to help me with my life. I don't understand how life can be so simple for my brothers but when it comes to me nothing is easy.
Right now my plan for school is that I WILL GO! I don't care what my parents say or think about the matter. I'll make it happen for myself. I know I need to get at least a couple thousand dollars together so I can move to North Carolina and enroll in school. I know my dad says that wanting to work for NASCAR is just like when I wanted to work for WWE (back then it was still WWF), but I honestly don't feel that it is. I never took the steps, or even looked into working for the WWE. I even walked right past an opportunity to talk to the right people about getting a job. With NASCAR I've taken the steps to contact the proper school and find out what is required for me to attend and what I need to do to make it happen. I think WWE was just a dream, and in my heart I knew it was just a dream, but NASCAR...I don't know...I just have this really strong feeling that I can make it happen if I try hard enough.
I miss my sister! I really wish I could go to Great Lakes, IL to see her next month, but I doubt that I will. Chuck told me that I can ride with them but they are leaving early the 22nd and coming home late the 24th and if you ask me...it's not really worth it. It's worth it to them because they can actually attend the Navy graduation, but I'd be stuck doing god only knows what while that was going on and probably wouldn't get that much time with Crystal. My plan is that if I don't go to this one I WILL GO to the one in Florida. Nothing will keep me from going to that one. And I plan on taking a little extra time and swinging past a little town in South Carolina ;)...maybe even Georgia, even though I seriously doubt that.
Nero is being a little brat as usual. I'm actually kind of worried about him. Ever since I cleaned his cage really good and moved him back into my bedroom he hasn't been eating very well. I'm hoping that it just has to do with the cleaning and the move. I'm hoping I can get him a friend soon cause I really do think he's lonely.
Lost was awesome tonight...so much Dom!
Well it's getting late and I have to get up early tomorrow so I better jet.
ttfn and until then...
Amanda
current mood: indescribable
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| Sunday, September 5th, 2004
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9:59 pm - *sigh* I give up
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I was gonna post something here about some shit that happened but now I don't even know what to say.
I guess the big thing is I'm just gonna stop dreaming. Obviously I'm never gonna make anything of myself and I'm never gonna be able to reach any of my goals because they are too hard for me to achieve. I guess I'm just gonna have to shoot for some small job that will hire me without having any schooling, because I'll never be able to afford schooling. I'm not my brothers and I never will be so why even try anymore.
current mood: crushed
current music: Watching NASCAR
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| Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
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1:13 pm - Convo between me and Lissa last night that lasted about 2 hours.
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| Monday, August 2nd, 2004
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7:33 pm - Zach's ninth letter home
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29 Jul 04
Dad, Mom & Matt
How's freedom? It's good to hear that the Corvette is almost totally taken care of. Only a month after it happened. As much as I want some stuff from my room, you can trash alot of stuff. The helmet & shoulder pads can go, but don't go totally crazy. Don't forget when I get back I can clean up some stuff. So you got the Murphy Bed stuff, what size? King? :) Queen? :) That alone makes me want to go home and sleep in my room! I got a letter from Grandma about a week ago and wrote them back. Today we ran our 1.5 mile, I did it in 10:45 :\ I was kind of disappointed but I made it under 11:57 so it’s all gravy. Tomorrow we take out test. I’m nervous but I’m gonna pass it easy. Then, THEN Sunday we go to “Warrior Week”, one of the last obstacles to overcome here. I remember reading Matt’s letter saying “it’s the end of the 4th week of BMT, after this week it’s basically over.” Now I’m in his shoes and couldn’t be happier! Every day is on day closer to seeing ya’ll and all of my friends. Stephanye told me her and my friend Parisa want to come to graduation, most likely with another group of friends. So if you can help them get everything they need, hotel, ride, all that stuff. Stephanye should call you soon so we need to get all that together. Well off to bed! I love all ya’ll stay safe! See you in August!
*heart*
Zach R.
P.S. I sent Mandy a letter.
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